As Hollywood continues to mine our childhoods in search of any possible property to convert into a successful film franchise, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Yogi Bear and Boo Boo and The Smurfs have been mutated into CGI monstrosities, a slew of popular board games are being adapted into movies from Risk to Ouija to Battleship to Candy Land, and now producers are scouring through our forgotten toy chests to unearth a Cabbage Patch Kids movie.
THR has announced that producer Galen Walker, who is currently developing an unneeded, live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, has bought the rights to the adorable adopted kids with the hopes of creating an animated made-for-TV movie. You may recall the Kids hit their heyday back in 1983 – when parents literally rioted ’round the holidays trying to score a coveted doll for their own rugrat. But even at the peak of their popularity, all the Kids got in the way of movie stardom was a forgettable TV Christmas special. (Their creepy cousins, The Garbage Pail Kids, on the other hand, got a gross and hilariously awful movie.) And while for those of us who grew up in the ’80s these dolls were as ubiquitous as a Rubick’s cube or Atari games, I wonder: do kids today have any connection to the Cabbage Patch Kids, much less any awareness of them?
Out of curiosity, I searched Toys R Us’ site for the latest in Cabbage Patch Kids and got five hits. Five. I owned more Kids than that by my fifth birthday. And those didn’t look like Cabbage Head from Kids in the Hall. So, what is Walker thinking? Honestly, I don’t know. Nostalgia is admittedly a big trend right now, but with all the retro properties to pick from, why choose the Cabbage Patch Kids? They have no inherent storyline to follow (aside from the terse and strange Legend provided on each box), no core characters to focus on, and since they didn’t have a movie or TV series, I doubt that they possess the same kind of reminiscent allure that the Ninja Turtles, Smurfs or Chipmunks have. So as kids today may not know them, and kids of yesterday aren’t likely to care, I’m left utterly baffled as to who this production is meant to attract.
How about you? Would you watch a Cabbage Patch Kids movie? What ’80s toy/TV show would you rather see rebooted/adapted?