As someone who, at first glance, greatly misunderstood Jaume Collet-Serra‘s Orphan in 2009, it was imperative that I went into Unknown expecting something similar: a film that revels in dark-comedic silliness. Unfortunately, it’s not nearly as successful as Serra’s comic-horror extravaganza.

Unknown fluctuates from wanting to be taken seriously and being all about camp. Whenever this so-so thriller lands in the latter category, it’s a blast. When it’s tonally confused, it’s difficult to stay patient for the next over-the-top moment to arise. Most of the film, especially the seemingly long-winded set-up, does not work. There’s a stiffness throughout that becomes tiresome.

Liam Neeson, shockingly, is dull here. Last year, Neeson delivered one of the most fun and cool action leads in quite some time with his Col. “Hannibal” Smith in The A-Team. All that charisma and screen presence shown in Carnahan’s action pic is seriously lacking here.

A major part of Orphan‘s charm is its leads, and how they firmly kept their tongues in their cheeks. Isabelle Fuhrman nailed the evil child routine. Both Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard played it straight, but obviously got the joke of Serra’s sensibilities. After watching Unknown, I’m not totally sure Neeson was in on anything. The now-beloved action star lacks charms or a sense of play. Neeson just looks as bored as Harrison Ford here.

The rest of the cast doesn’t fare to well either. January Jones carries a cold stillness, matching Neeson’s odd stiffness. Diane Kruger does a respectable enough job, but her presence is, quite arguably, the film’s biggest leap of logic — and that’s saying a lot. Kruger as a cab driver? Is this idea intentionally comedic? It’s difficult to tell.

When Serra and the cast start playing up the goofiness in the twist-after-twist climax, it’s all too little, too late. Ten to 15 minutes of much-needed insanity does not make the rest of the film’s hour and forty minutes tolerable. A tremendous death scene and a music-to-the-ears brilliantly delivered one-liner almost makes Unknown worth the bloat, but there’s far too much tediousness in this messy thriller to make the overall experience an enjoyable one.

Grade: C+

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