As the news of studios gobbling up board-game properties to somehow adapt gets ever more ridiculous, one can add THR’s report that Universal has tapped Kung Fu Panda screenwriters Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger to breathe magical narrative life into the children’s game Candyland.
The nominal story of Candyland involves journeying through the Candy Cane Forest (like Will Ferrell did in Elf) to find the lost king while staying one step ahead of the forces of evil Lord Licorice (Hey, Ralph Fiennes may need work once the last Harry Potter movie has come and gone). The game is really just a collection of bright primary colors intended to keep five-year-olds from playing with the Draino while Mom drinks white wine and watches soap operas.
Seriously, though, if the studio really wanted to silence snarky film bloggers who live to ridicule bullshit like this, they should hire David Lynch and Charlie Kaufman, take advantage of the psychedelic leanings of a property like this (just look at that picture – now imagine coming across that thing on acid. You might run out of the house, screaming,) and create something truly unnerving.
However, given Aibel’s resume – the Kung Fu Panda movies with Berger, Monsters Vs. Aliens, Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel – we can safely bet on a kid-friendly, parent-numbing exercise in goody-goody nonsense. Still, Aibel wrote many episodes of King of the Hill – it’s never been my favorite animated show, but it has it’s smart-ass moments.
And in case you’re just dying for that board-game action, Peter Berg‘s $200-million Battleship opens May 18, 2012. We’ve got McG set to direct some kind of action-adventure based on the Ouija board, Ridley Scott has been attached to a live-action Monopoly movie for a long time now, and I stand by my frequently-repeated assertion that Hungry Hungry Hippos should be the next great board-game franchise.
What do you think of a Candyland movie? Would you dare watch it sober?