Airing from 1961-1966, Mr. Ed chronicled the adventures of a man and his talking horse. A big hit back in those days, it has showed up on re-runs from time to time over the years much to the delight of…your parents? Grandparents? Somebody probably watched it. And that somebody is what Fox 2000 is banking on; Variety reports that the studio has picked up the feature film rights to Mr. Ed with Friendly Films producing. David Friendly, one of the honchos at his Friendly Films, and Jim Mahoney will be producing the project. This new and “hip” Mr. Ed will still be a real horse but with a CGI-mouth so it can no doubt have a giant grin on his face after someone slips in his poop. Look at that, I just gave them the money shot for their trailer.
What is really insulting about this, besides the “resurrect anything once popular to turn a profit” mindset, is what Friendly had to say about it. Here’s what he told Variety:
It’s always the perfect time for a four-quadrant family movie. Those are the movies that have the strongest pull. As a producer, I try to envision the poster and this one looks pretty good coming from the studio behind ‘Marley & Me’ and ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks.’
Whenever I read someone use “four-quandrant” in regards to a movie, I have to physically keep myself from punching my computer screen. It’s obvious at this point, if it wasn’t already, that Hollywood just wants a profit and quality doesn’t matter to them, but for a producer to flat-out admit that kind of sucks. It also sucks because Friendly knows he can say that; families will essentially see anything, especially if their kids won’t shut up about it, so it makes no difference how it turns out. So a family movie based on a show no one really remembers produced by a guy who admitted he sees a poster and not a movie? Real high hopes there.
Mr. Ed is becoming a movie. If you feel anything other than apathy or disgust, please let me know because I don’t understand what any other reaction could be at this point.