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Vin Diesel Starring In ‘The Machine’; Peter Segal In Talks to Helm

Written by on May 23, 2012 

You’ve very likely forgotten by this point, but Vin Diesel does, sometimes, act in films that aren’t installments in start-of-the-millennium franchises; now, though, an essentially confirmed return will allow him to step outside those safety zones for a bit. Case in point: Variety reports that he’ll be leading The Machine, a family-centered actioner that Peter Segal (Get Smart) has entered tentative negotiations to direct.

Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (Reno! 911, Night at the Museum) wrote and will produce the film, which revolves around a titular, government-designed weapon that was built to be “the world’s first true ultimate weapon.” After he’s put out of commission for around twenty years, a young boy uncovers him and, if history serves us correctly, uses him as both a toy and friend. Oh, God… I can already map out the narrative arc and it is not pretty.

Segal‘s directorial involvement is not a confirmed thing at the moment, nor would his signing mean this is coming up next; the manga adaptation Bleach is being planned, along with a project titled Grudge Match. But does anybody, in all honesty, really want to see what this project could bring to the table in the first place? This writer thinks it sounds like The Iron Giant meets The Pacifier — that is, the basic plotting of the former and entire soullessness of the latter

Does The Machine sound even remotely appealing?

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