Recently, our very own TFS editor Jordan reviewed Clint Eastwood’s latest directorial dud, Hereafter. Now our friends at the First Showing have drawn our attention to the film’s newly released poster, and it could be cause for alarm.

Why? You might wonder. It’s just a blue poster with some bad Photo-shopped effects, right?

Well:

Wrong.

Look at Damon – HE’S LOOKING AT YOU!

We’ve all seen this look before. And look at where it got us:

Remember these?

None of us felt good about these the morning after. Sometimes right after. It’s okay. We’ve all been there.

But look what happens when Damon’s too cool or involved to bother throwing his gaze our way:

See! He’s funny, sexy, exciting, lovable. Like he is here. Like we wish he always could be…

To help sidestep such filmic mishaps in the future, I’ve made up a diddy for you to commit to memory : (best if sung with Pirate accent)

If Damon’s eyes be aslant, then the movie will enchant, but if his eyes be straight and true, a bomb is what’s in store for you!

Like most shanties, it is not a fool-proof system:

But I hope it will help.

Does Kristy’s theory hold up for your favorite Damon movie? Are you looking forward to the Hereafter despite Damon’s dead-on stare?