When an outright bad pairing take the reigns for two wonky screenwriters on a movie about a Vin Diesel-portrayed robot who acts as the emotional uplift of a child? Keep up a happy face and continue your day. Nevertheless, Deadline reports that Alfred Gough and Miles Millar (I Am Number Four, TV’s Smallville) will pen a new draft of The Machine; Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant had written the original script, which attracted Diesel and, possibly, director Peter Segal. (The latter is not mentioned in Deadline’s story, however. Perhaps his talks fell through.)

The former’s incarnation — which I don’t expect to change all too greatly — revolved around a government-designed robot that was built to be “the world’s first true ultimate weapon.” Despite being put out of commission for around twenty years, a young boy uncovers him, using the creature as both a toy and friend. Unfortunately, the big bad government doesn’t want old and untested weaponry out in the open, so they make it an incentive to capture him — so long as they can stop The Machine itself.

The Machine sounds so rote, and now it’s only gone from bad to worse. Maybe the planned franchise will create room for improvement!

More screenwriting news comes from Variety, who inform us that State Street Pictures, BroBible (excuse me?), and the latter’s Five All in the Fifth Entertainment are joining forces to produce an unusual property. Not a comic, video game, or fortune cookie scrawl, but the Deadspin article The Canucks Fan Who Drove 1,000 Miles for a Game, Partied with the Owner, Drank with Beautiful Women, Nearly Died, and Got Comped for Game 5. (I think that title will have to be shortened.)

This true story — told in a timestamped form in its original incarnation — told of four Vancouver buddies who, in May of 2011, headed out to San Jose, whereat the Canucks were facing off against the Sharks in the NHL’s Western Conference Finals. All the crazy, debauchery-imbued events soon lead to “one of the greatest bar stories ever told.” At some point, they even get comped for game 5.

ONe production company should let you know this is very much a “bro” film, and the credits will only reinforce that further; the writing team of Chris Lilli and Peter Hoare previously collaborated on Beer: The Movie, Beer: The Movie 2 – Leaving Long Island, and will soon get to work on Everybody Wants Head. A fine project, this will shape up to be.

Do Gough and Millar lend The Machine any credence? Is The Canucks too classy?